…your mother is on a mission to set you up with a random waitress at a restaurant.
Sadly, it’s true – my dating life has reached a new low.
Early last December, my parents went out to eat at a Cuban restaurant near their home in Long Island, NY. I received a call that night from my mother, raving about a particular female server working at the establishment. I have to admit, I was semi-interested, as she’s never attempted to set me up with a girl in the past.
Mom filled me in on the details: 19 years old; incredible smile; cute face; long, dark hair; classy, seemingly modest personality; and a slim figure. My father interjected that 19 years old was a bit young for me, but I disagreed; nearly any girl over the age of 22 is hesitant to date a broke 24 year old male.
When I arrived home for Christmas break, my mother was intent on convincing me to meet this random, barely-legal teen. I refused her relentless encouragement to visit the restaurant and perform the awkward task. I made a fool of myself enough throughout the year – I figured that I deserved a break during the Christmas season.
One evening, upon arriving home from a graphic novel reading session at Borders, my mother ran to the door, proclaiming that she spotted the girl while walking past the restaurant’s front window not long before I came home. I guess that Robert Kirkman’s “The Walking Dead” comic series gave me some kind of heroic confidence; I actually got in my car* and drove to meet the server.
By the time I got over there and parked, my false confidence dissipated, as I had absolutely no plan for accomplishing the task. I stood outside of the restaurant in the cold, questions clouding my thoughts:
What if she’s not even here anymore?
What if I’m seated at a table that she isn’t serving?
How should I introduce myself?
What should I order?
Does this place have good dessert?
I wonder what the average price of an entree is?
I peered through the restaurant’s front window in an attempt to see the girl – a completely stalker-ish action. I talked on my cell phone to camouflage my intent. No one was on the line.
I eventually realized the desperation and idiocy of my actions, got back into my car* and drove home, a man conquered by fear of rejection.
Why am I writing this, you ask? I’m back home for the weekend, and my mother just placed the restaurant’s menu down beside me, stating, “I went by and asked if the girl is working tonight. Unfortunately, she’s back at school. Want me to make beef stew?”.
Yes mom, please make the beef stew.
*I clearly cannot afford my own car – I’m referring to my parent’s car.
I love ChuckBlog like a fat kid loves cake.
[...] Being Set Up By Your Mother: Terrible idea. [...]
[...] Browsing the internet has been my main priority each day. I started a blog, which I refer to as ‘chuckblog’ among my friends and family. Last week I wrote up a solid post devoted to the malt liquor/energy drink hybrid, Sparks. I also wrote up a farewell message to my friend Crazy Mike who moved to Austin, as well as detailing some reasons that a couple of DC bars really suck. I’ve been trying to date a vampire on this website called gothscene.com, but communication has been pretty stagnant lately. I might have to pursue this random 19 year old waitress that served my parents at a restaurant one night. [...]