When I sat down on the bus for the shitty last leg of my hour+ commute home from work yesterday, I watched two men in suits board the vehicle. I was seated at the front half of the bus where seats line the perimeter, and one of the men sat beside me while the other sat directly across from him. Although both dressed in business formal attire, the two men had starkly different appearances. The man sitting next to me looked shabby. His top button was undone while his cheap tie hung down a solid inch from his collar. Complemented by his wrinkled gray suit, 5 o’clock shadow, and slightly messy hair, the man looked like a disheveled professional, in stark contrast to his immaculately dressed counterpart.
Upon sitting down, Disheveled Guy proclaimed to his suited partner “HELL YEAH! No fare today!” The bus’s meter was broken, so the driver put a red bag over it with bold black letters indicating “NO FARE”. Immaculate Guy simply nodded in agreement.
Unfortunately, I turned my Ipod on for about 30 seconds and missed the beginning of a conversation between the two. Over Peter, Bjorn & John, I could hear that Disheveled Guy’s voice was just a tab bit too loud for addressing a man approximately 4 feet away. Along with an ever-so-slight slur, his vocal tone indicated an alcohol-induced buzz. I shut off my music to listen in.
Disheveled Guy was just beginning to tell Immaculate Guy a story. Here’s how it went:
We were married for about 4-5 years at this point. I figured I’d be a nice guy for once and take her and the kid out for mini-golf. We’re walking into the mini-golf place and who the hell do I run into? An ex-girlfriend. And my wife knows that we dated. I thought to myself ‘Shit, how the hell am I going to dig myself outta this hole?’ I introduce the ex to my wife and kid. Yeah, that was awkward. Then my wife does the dumbest thing imaginable. She invites her to play mini-golf with us. Could you imagine how terrible it would be to play a round of mini-golf with your wife, kid and ex-girlfriend?
Surprisingly, they all got along really well. My ex was chattin it up with my wife and playing around with my kid the whole time. They loved each other. When we got home that night, my wife and I were getting ready for bed and she told me “You know, I liked her a lot. And she’s so pretty. You should have never left her!” I told her, “I know. And the sex was much better too!” I got slapped across the face for that one.
End of story. Disheveled Guy opened up his brief case, took out a book, and began reading quietly like nothing had ever happened. I was trying to control my laughter, while Immaculate Guy and the other 5-or-so people sat there astounded.
The man’s story and overall demeanor blew me away. I was especially impressed with the 4 main attributes:
1. Based on his appearance, Disheveled Guy was clearly out to glide through life as easy as possible. I’m sure he has a solid job and gets all of his work done on time, but he refuses to take that extra step towards success. In this case, that extra step involves shaving, getting a haircut, dropping his suit off at the dry cleaner, and wearing his tie properly.
2. The man is not afraid to grab a drink or 5 during a long day at work. Jesus enjoyed wine while proclaiming the good Word, so why shouldn’t Disheveled Guy take a few swigs of whiskey between meetings?
3. Disheveled Guy was so pleased with receiving a free ride on the bus that he felt the need to proclaim his joy for all to hear. I’m sure that he could afford the 75 cent fare without any problems, but even the slightest break in life gives him a reason to celebrate. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if the celebration came in the form of Jack Daniels whiskey and Scottbrundage.com when arriving back to his home.
4. In public, most people try not to share embarrassing stories involving their significant other, but Disheveled Guy doesn’t mind. Aren’t girlfriends/wives around strictly for humor bordering emotional abuse?
Disheveled guy is the perfect middle-aged embodiment of Chuckblog. I’m truly honored to have encountered such a fine man.
Apparently I am a distant relative of disheveled guy, or chuckubablog. I was formally observed teaching this week, and my supervisor and mentor teacher told me I was on-point in every facet of my teaching except one: my professional appearance. Not only was I told to trash certain articles of clothing, but that I needed to always wear my hair back (or get a haircut) and that I should begin to wear makeup. I needed to look more feminine, and wearing mismatched socks just wasn’t doing me any good.
The wife clearly gave the husband an invitation to insult her. She made the age-old mistake of fishing for a compliment only to realize she opened the door up for honesty. He was simply agreeing with her statement, and then adding some supporting details.
Sharing embarassing stories could unfailingly be really amazing if people just owned up to them.
Thanks for sharing your eavesdroppings, and all of your own personal embarassments too, I admire you for that.
Gee. That’s uh… hm.
Personally, I wouldn’t have slapped the guy, if I’d been the wife. I woulda wait till he fell asleep and then set him on fire.
Honesty-schmonesty.
Catie – It’d be stupid not to shave your head in accordance with your mentor’s advice.
Amuirin – It’s true, the man does deserve to be set on fire. Thankfully, the internet is fire-proof so Chuckblog can’t be torched.
Golf is the fourth most popular sport in the world and everyone can play. The only thing that gets in the way of great golf is the mind.Real golfers know that golf is not just a sport, but it is a way of living.They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them.