One thing that I really love about my friends is that they’re honest. Sometimes so brutally honest it hurts. Like If I stop running for a couple of months and gain a few pounds, they start calling me a portly slob. It’s that kind of honesty that keeps a man in line. Or turns him into a bulimic, insecure shell of a human being. Boy I have such great friends!
Yesterday afternoon I was given the perfect opportunity to test the boundaries of their honesty. I received a text message from my 13 year old niece, which turned out to be one of those shoot-yourself-in-the-face-upon-opening chain letters. It stated:
FWD: OK this is Scary its called MindReader send it 2 10ppl (not me) then go 2 ur inbox press * and it will spell out ur lovers name
I immediately thought to myself, “what better way to elicit truthful insights from friends than by sending out this chain letter text message?!”. I did just that…and here were the responses:
“Fuck you you fucking asshole” – Crazy Mike, Austin TX, Unemployed
“No” – Dan, Washington DC, Door-to-door Tupperware Salesman
“Fuck you. Eat shit and die.” – Tommy “Crab” Howell, Raleigh NC, Professional Writer [for Chuckblog]
“Fuck off chimp” - Scottbrundage.com, Queens NY, Freelance Illustrator
“U r a fag” – Mark, Washington DC, Attorney
“Youre hiv positive” - Christopher, Washington DC, Graduate Student
“You are gay” – Brian, San Francisco CA, Unemployed/Professional Scoundrel
“Ur gay! whose ur luver?” – Danny, Williamsburg VA, Army Ranger
“Chester Copperpot” - Adam, New York NY, Attorney
“U can lick my nuts. Cici is her name regardless of what this dumbass super-sloppy-double-dare tells me!!!” [Editor's note: my mom's name is Cece] – Jeff, somewhere in VA, who fucking knows and who fucking cares what he does for work?
“Are you gay?” – Rod, Washington DC, Professional Runner
“Youre a real d bag charles” - Todd, Pittsburgh PA, Logistical Analyst
Boy I have such great friends!
Am i the only one who enjoyed it?
Tell your 13-year old niece to text message me.
Possibly the best blogpost to date.
Now IF you would have sent that message to your dear friend catie, her response would have been something like this “I’m your lover charles, cum git sum” or “cotton candy sweet as gold, lemme see that tootsie roll”
Charles, this is the greatest piece of literature I have ever read. I don’t think I’ll be needing the interwebs anymore because this post was clearly the pinnacle of what it can achieve.
Hey Bud.
I laughed harder at this than I have at anything in the past two days.
Well don’t leave us hanging, who is your lover.
illicit should be elicit